'Swagger Jagger' - The Post-Modernist turn in Popular Music

(Cher Lloyd - The Post-modern face of Popular Music)

The first entry into this musical hall of shame is one of the more gross offenders of recent years, Cher Lloyd’s first single, the whimsically titled ‘Swagger Jagger.’ Apparently Cher Lloyd has subsequently released another single, however, I have no intention to hear it nor to acknowledge that it exists - certainly not until I have recovered from the sporadic yet violent spasms that I must now endure as a result of the cultural trauma I suffered upon listening to ‘Swagger Jagger’. Cher Lloyd’s fans, the self titled ‘little brats,’ or to be more accurate, ‘the mentally deficient and intellectually impotent,’ have fiercely criticised Cher Lloyd’s detractors; their general argument can be summarised thusly: “she’s only 17, she’s a girl, she’s really good, bluuuuurgh....” One of these arguments can be dismissed immediately, she is not really good. Also the fact that Cher Lloyd is only 17 seems to somehow be significant to her fans as apparently anyone under the age of 18 should be immune from scrutiny or criticism.

Well, no. In the creation of this song Cher Lloyd used her own judgement and self-determination to will its existence into the world. As much as the image of Simon Cowell holding a gun to Cher Lloyd’s head whilst yelling “Sing it Bitch!” greatly pleases me, I don’t imagine that this was actually the case. Rather, Cher Lloyd made a decision, as a supposed adult, to sing this song and then release it via a record label with the intent that lots of people should hear it. That is wrong and Cher Lloyd is a bad person for doing it. However this isn’t to say the song has no redeeming features; lyrically Cher Lloyd is a genius. In particular, her ability to construct words into lyrics in such a way as to rob them of any discernable meaning is spell-binding. For example; “Swagger Jagger, Swagger Jagger, you should get some of your own.” Try and come up with a statement that is so utterly vacuous in terms of meaning and content - its surprisingly hard. In all seriousness though, it utter shite. I am firmly convinced that the use of a random word generator or blindly stabbing at pages in the dictionary would have worked to far greater lyrical effect. Musically the song consists of a chorus melody ‘lifted’ (another way of saying plagiarised which doesn’t leave me open to being sued for libel) from the traditional folk song ‘O My Darling Celmentine’ added to a verse which is ‘lifted’ from the Swedish House Mafia track ‘One (Your Name.)’

The chronic lack of creative originality here isn’t really the main problem though. ‘Swagger Jagger’ is more than a bad pop song, it is the apex of a popular musical culture that in trying to speak to everyone speaks to no one at all. The lyrical allusions to rampant materialism and ‘getting on the floor’ may seem harmless enough but really they are reflections of the society in which we live; cold and empty. Perhaps that’s why this song makes me so sad in a way in which Bonnie Tyler’s tear-jerker ‘Total Eclipse of the Heart’ never could. When an interviewer asked J.G. Ballard about the motivation for writing his critically acclaimed debut novel ‘Crash,’ he replied; “I wanted to rub the human face in its own vomit, and force it to look in the mirror.” Perhaps, with ‘Swagger Jagger,’ that is what Cher Lloyd is inviting us to do here. To look into the mirror of humanity and be disgusted and sickened by what we have become; a society which sent ‘Swagger Jagger’ to the number one spot in the singles charts - a society that is culturally asphyxiating itself with a supermarket carrier bag. Really Cher Lloyd is a genius; as I listen to Swagger Jagger whilst typing these very words, I feel like Cher Lloyd is actually in the room with me, rubbing my face in my own vomit.